You Did Your Best, That Is What Matters

Senior year, a year filled with new experiences. In this year you get a last first day of high school party and you get a special and unique uniform. You also get to have a prom and a once in a lifetime high school graduation ceremony. You know what you also get with all these amazing experiences? STRESS! Since it is the last year, you suddenly get this huge pressure put onto your shoulders that was non-existent in your junior year. The grades expected are extremely high and you suddenly become a role model to all the other grades. (Even though I doubt that any of the other grades actually care about what we do) However, we must accept the reality that we live in. I can not speak on behalf of my entire grade, but I definitely feel the pressure.

I had always had the pressure of overachieving, a bad grade for me might be someone else's goal. (No judgment of course). Despite this, my senior year seems to be more stressful than any other year I have had. My hypothesis for this is that the importance of my grades and activities have almost doubled in comparison to any other year. Hence, I feel the suffocating presence of the expectation bestowed upon me. This expectation has taken such a huge toll on me that my physical health is becoming impacted too. I am now sleep deprived, mentally drained, and have been surviving on coffee since the beginning of the semester (BTW, I am writing this at 2 am in the morning). If this sounds familiar, welcome to the team, you are not experiencing this alone.

I am now in a crucial transitional phase between childhood and adulthood. Therefore, mistakes are basically prohibited. Don't misunderstand, everyone makes mistakes, but I would like to make them in another year. Due to this mentality of mine, I have had a lot of lollipop moments. If you are unaware of what a lollipop moment is, it is a moment where someone said or did something that made your life change for the better. An example of a lollipop moment of mine would be when I was told "You did everything you could, that is what matters". Even though I have heard this statement many times in my life, it was the first time I heard it from the most important person in my life. I had just gotten a bad grade on an exam after putting a lot of effort into studying. I was absolutely crushed and disappointed in myself. It wouldn't have mattered if I got such a grade without studying because I wouldn't have any expectations. Nevertheless, that wasn't the case. I DID put effort in and I expected to get a good grade because of that effort. Thus, I felt defeated. It is hard to accept that the bad grade I had gotten was the result of the best I can do. Amidst all of these negative emotions I was feeling, I was told that I did my best and that is what matters. The words seem simple, just like what most lollipop moments are composed of, but they had an unbelievable impact on me. It made me realize that some things are just out of my control, and even though that upsets me, it is what life is like. Things happen that we can't control and when it is out of our control we should let it go. Ever since that incident I no longer beat myself up over a poor grade. Instead I look for what I can improve on and continue with my day knowing that I did my best and that is what matters.