Control Is Not Everything: Find Peace In Vulnerability

I have a ton of assignments and I’ve been running on coffee for the past 2 days, so watching someone speak for 20 minutes was something I was “excited” for. However, the more she talked the more interested and engaged I became. According to Brene Brown, vulnerability is just uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It is when you allow others to see your emotions clearly without being capable of controlling their perception of it. The way I perceived her explanation that to accept vulnerability we need to lose our obsession with control. Which is a problem that is harder for some more than others. Once that is accomplished we will be capable of experiencing life to the fullest. After all, without hardships, we would take our comfort for granted. As John Whiteman has said, "Without lows there can be no highs, without sadness there can be no happiness, without darkness no light." 

I have a very similar view of life. I also feel the need to be in control of everything that surrounds me. Therefore, I was capable of understanding how Brene Brown felt. I never open up because doing so limits my control over situations. I tell people about my hardships only after I have processed, solved, and healed them. I pass that off as vulnerability, even though I know it is not, because I don’t have the courage to even face the fact that I can’t be vulnerable. Even though I know it is wrong,  stepping out of my comfort has always been an adversity in my life. This is definitely something I need to work on. I believe the most I have felt vulnerable is during presentations and any sort of public speaking. Whenever I find out I have to present, debate or make a speech I feel like my heart rate is going faster than a racecar and I forget to breathe. I literally need to remind myself to inhale and exhale. This is all because in such situations I am under the judgement of everyone with no control over what might happen. Do you feel the need to control everything around you too?